Tags: Slow burn

Word count: 2k

Me:

Do not attempt to out-malicious-compliance the staff at the malicious compliance conference.

Some dipshit decided to pay the conference fee ($250) in quarters. He handed us a wrapped plastic bag full of loose change. "It's all there," he said with a shit-eating grin, "you can count it."

Oh buddy. We're going to count it. What were you expecting?

At about the time I got to $60, he offered to give us $300 collateral so he could get his badge and go to the conference.

No, bud. You get to watch the most dyscalculic staffer count to a thousand while all your friends go in to the breakfast and find seats for the first talk.

"Ruining someone's day" is the favorite hobby of everyone here. Why would you hand us the perfect opportunity to wreck your shit and think that was an own? Half the con is calling him "Untraceable," the other half is calling him "Quarter Boy" and nobody cares what he says his handle is.

I spent an hour counting that and made him go fetch me baggies to hold it every fifty dollars.

This ended up being a good bonus prank for me too, because when the counting was done I wrapped the bags in gaffer's tape and spent the rest of the day handing it to people very casually while saying "oh here, hold this for a sec" and then watching they weren't ready for the weight (I only did this to people I know well enough to know this wouldn't hurt them).

It's an infosec conference, so it's a weekend in a hotel full of people whose favorite thing is breaking the law and whose second favorite thing is following the letter of the law while cheerfully violating the spirit.

yet Brutus says he was problematic, and Brutus is an honorable man…

I thrice presented him a kingly crown,

Which he did thrice refuse: was this problematic?

Yet Brutus says he was problematic;

And, sure, he is an honourable man

I come to cancel Caesar, not to stan him

He was my mutual, faithful and just to me

But Brutus says he was problematic;

And Brutus is an honourable man.

He hath brought many hot takes to my dash

Whose notifs did the general discourse fill:

Did this in Caesar seem problematic?

Friends, mutuals, countrymen, do not scroll past

@if-you-come-a-knockin

Friends, mutuals, countrymen, do not scroll past;

I come to cancel Caesar, not to stan him.

The cringe posts that men make live after them;

The nuance oft interred with their bones;

So let it be with Caesar. The noble Brutus

Hath told you Caesar was problematic:

If it were so, it was a grievous fault,

And grievously hath Caesar answer’d it.

Here, under leave of Brutus and the rest–

For Brutus is an honourable man;

So are they all, all honourable men–

Come I to comment on Caesar’s call-out post.

He was my mutual, faithful and just to me:

But Brutus says he was problematic;

And Brutus is an honourable man.

He hath brought many hot takes to my dash

Whose notifs did the general discourse fill:

Did this in Caesar seem problematic?

When that anons have cried, Caesar hath wept:

Toxicity should be made of sterner stuff:

Yet Brutus says he was problematic;

And Brutus is an honourable man.

You all did see that on the Tumblr Blaze

I thrice presented him a kingly crown,

Which he did thrice refuse: was this problematic?

Yet Brutus says he was problematic;

And, sure, he is an honourable man.

I speak not to start discourse with Brutus,

But just to provide some context on his call-out post.

You all did stan him once, not without cause:

What cause withholds you then, to follow him?

Imagine a girl (me) and she has a sword (nice)

And the Oscar for Best Picture goes to...

someday, in the distant future, humans will once again be capable of hearing the phrase “what is love” without also feeling the primal urge to  respond with “baby don’t hurt me”

So at that point, people will say “baby don’t hurt me”…no more?

I tried to scroll past I really did

beautiful set up, perfect follow-through. great teamwork everyone

i was watching a youtube video about the three main character deaths you can use in a story (physical, professional & psychological) and consequently the three main threats that can hang over a character’s head, and i realised one of the reasons eugenides’s arc is so interesting in the queen’s thief is that he suffers all three.

the physical aspect is fairly self-evident (*insert hand pun*). obviously, he never actually dies, but the threat is ever present and he does suffer quite a lot of physical harm which deeply affects the plot and his character arc.

this goes hand in hand (i swear i wasn’t actually trying to insert a hand pun) with the professional death, because the loss of his hand means, to him, that he can never steal anything again. he overcomes this, but it’s terribly hard, and he goes through a lot of development because of it. then he gets himself into a “disaster”: he becomes king. and he can’t be the thief anymore, not like he used to. he can’t be independent, he can’t do whatever he wants. even though he can still work in the shadows, he’s in the light and everyone is looking at him, and all those eyes expect things from him. the king of attolia is about him reconciling his identity as thief and his identity as king, about him stepping into his new role.

of course, he’s not just a thief, he’s the thief. in the last book, the figure of the thief acquires a darker meaning. it’s threatening, and terrifying, a slippery slope. gen is always at risk of tripping, of falling, of completely losing his humanity. he suffers a lot psychologically through the series, but i’d say this is the main psychological death looming over him. and he doesn’t die, because a lot of people love him, and a lot of people are ready to catch him. “saved him from what? saved him from becoming the thief, the murderous figure sitting alone with his dead.”

hozier 3 is about to fix every single problem i have ever had in my life ever